“Recently, a woman told me that after eight years of marriage she had never undressed in front of her husband.

Still, he aims for happiness, and believes you can, too. How exactly mediocrity can be measured in the superlative degree, he doesn’t explain.

“Marriage can be the most happy, mediocre, or unhappy of life’s experiences,” Tim LaHaye tells us on page one of his guide to good Christian matrimony. : “Under such circumstances, she is often twenty-two or twenty-three by the time she is ready for children, and surprisingly enough, that is past the ideal childbearing age.” : “The difference between the reproductive system of the husband and wife should stand as a symbol of the beautiful difference in their emotional make-up.” The Cover Promises: Hot hand-holding action! And 180,000 copies sold! And that marriage is a state generally incompatible with happiness! How to Be Happy Though Married Publisher: Tyndale House of Wheaton, Illinois Date: 1968

Here’s the choicest of his lesser-known terribleness.

LaHaye, of course, is the apocalypse-profiteer whose Left Behind books and movies have inspired millions to fantasize about all the awesome adventures they’re sure to have when God any-day-now decides to destroy Creation. Perhaps the most amusing and dispiriting of that crap has been Tim LaHaye’s ridiculous guides to sex, family, and how to hate gay people. And rising political icon Nicolae Carpathia seems to be at the center of it all.Since 2008, your Crap Archivist has brought you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets. Buck suspects secret meetings between international power brokers are somehow connected. Theories abound, from Christian Rapture to alien abduction. Among the passengers still left is star reporter Cameron 'Buck' Williams, who just got the assignment of a lifetime: find out what happened and why. Rayford and the others left behind must deal with mass chaos on top of personal loss. Pilot Rayford Steele is contemplating adultery with a young flight attendant when over 100 of his passengers simply vanish, leaving vacated clothes and bewildered companions. Narrator Richard Ferrone's unusually deep and hypnotic voice will keep you right in the middle of this not-unimaginable end of the world nightmare. What would happen if millions of people around the world suddenly disappeared one day? In this fascinating apocalyptic thriller, best-selling Christian inspirational authors LaHaye and Jenkins pool their considerable talents to answer that question.

Left Behind by Tim LaHaye